Foggy Glasses

Sometimes I struggle to find the correlation between the behavior of Christians, and the behavior of Jesus Christ. Yea? Yes. To break it down, Christian literally means “little Christ”. Often, I wonder if I am anywhere close to this ideal. Honestly, there are very, very few who indeed fit the mark. Jesus was nothing less than a radical guy. Most Christians that I have been around seem to resemble Pharisees. Others seem mostly non-committal, and wear the religion as nothing more than a badge.

Personally, I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum. I was raised in a Christian home. Growing up, I HATED church. I hated everything to do with it. I just wanted to sleep or draw during the service. I threw fits on Sunday mornings, making it difficult for my parents to get me ready. I was bitter that my parents made me wear skirts to church. It seemed pretty useless to me.

However, I held on to Christian values. The moral code stuck with me, and I rarely questioned it. I never really thought that gay people should burn in hell, or that whole civilizations should be wiped out, but those were questions that kept being posited, and I eventually discovered the answers to those difficult questions, and it isn’t the easiest thing to grasp.

After going through bouts of depression, attempted suicide, and the usual routine of “high school”, I began asking more questions.

I think asking questions is what really saved me.

I don’t think anyone should feel comfortable or safe in anything. “Religion” is something false to hold onto. However, a “relationship” with another being is something that constantly evolves and progresses. So goes the same with my relationship with God.

I’ve come to to the point where I don’t just look at other people’s religion, and be like, “yours is wrong!” Sure, I thought that as a younger self, but upon further investigation, I came to the conclusion, or rather, I developed a theory that other “religions” aren’t merely nothing, but are definitely something that should not be leaned upon. I strongly believe other “religions” are valid, but they are wrong. Why? Because I believe the beings that are backing up these “religions” aren’t for what’s best for humanity. These beings are those other than God, and could be anything. I don’t know what they are. Demons, angels, ghosts, chimeras.

What am I getting at? Well, all these are just tiny snippets of the thoughts actually growing inside my mind, but what they really go to say is: many people are close-minded about “religion”, both those who participate and those who refuse. There is much to be explored.

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All my life, I’ve been afraid to try,
Until you opened my eyes, and told me,
“Daughter, now’s your time to shine”
Though I’ve closed them many times,
You’ve been the gentle guide
Unfailingly slipping your hand through mine

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